my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
