sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
