how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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