dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
