Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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