Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
