Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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