Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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