i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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