Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just want nice things and good sex
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
