she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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