either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
