Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize