Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
