she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
