I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
