Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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