tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
