if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
