yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I hope mine doesn't look like that
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
