I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I have aggressive nipples.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
