she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
