im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
