just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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