Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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