I hate all girls vehemently.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
