I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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