apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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