how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
