Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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