I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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