She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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