The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
