arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
