i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
FUCK WHALES
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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