I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
