Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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