I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize