you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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