Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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