I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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