I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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