watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
