I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
