is your mom at the bar?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
is that a dick in a sweater?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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