Me too!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
