dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
