My girlfriend figured out who you are.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
