what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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