So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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