Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
