I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
