never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
