My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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