You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
