I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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