shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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