come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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