All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
