They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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