Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
