He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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