More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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