Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
