yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
