It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
