everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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