We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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