He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
There's even glitter on my cock...
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