Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
