Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
